Chrysalis: 09/01/2001

My new job is GREAT! :D
Everyone there is so nice to me. The only thing I hate is cleaning up the theaters. People make such a mess in there! It pisses me off! And don't get me started with Movie Tunes. They play the same damns ongs over and over again! AHHGH! It was fun Friday cause the one they played had Mariah Carey on it. And I love her. ;)
I'm all out of Paxil. I'm gonna be shitty today cause Paxil has such a large withdrawl. It sucks.

I've been looking all over the place trying to find a date to Homecoming. All the guys I ask are either too old or they live too far away. Or even both! I'll never find a guy to take me to Homecoming. I really wanted to go this year too. It would of been my first formal dance in all four years of high school. There's always the Winter Ball and Prom though.

I give up! ;_;

I have to finish me and Jason's poster on the Norman Conquest. Damn mideval times!
I'm definatly talking to Duane tomorrow. I'm gonna get all my aggressions out and then try to get his true feelings for me out as well. Cause I can't take this anymore! If his stupid friends bother me at lunch again, I'm gonna fucking rip their heads off! I hate being mistreated.

I still can't eat. I don't know why. I can only eat snacks and not meals. I hope this is a good thing. Cause it really sucks not being able to eat dinner. I hate to see myself at Thanksgiving. o_0;;;;

Duane sucks! :P

DAMMIT!
The place was closed. I'll never get my eyebrow periced. Stoopid place. :P
Damn them. DAMN EVERYBODY! *starts to throw things*

Well I'm off to get my eyebrow peirced. Hopefully. I have to go get my money. Then if my mother has time, we can go to the store and buy my work uniform. I can't wait!

I got my good advice for the week. This one comes from a fortune cookie. It says that pateince is a solution to all problems. That's pretty good advice there and I think I'll just might use it.

If I just sit out and just wait, then either one of two things will happen. One, Duane will finaly come out and tell me that he likes me and then we can work from there and Two, he doesn't and this whole thing can blow over and his stupid little jock friends can leave us the hell alone.

Hopefully, if my mom is through with her shit, I'll be getting my eyebrow peirced tomorrow. I already called the place and everything. She better go through with it. I'm so excited. I can't wait to get it done.

I got a job! I got a job! XD~
I now work at the movie theater. They don't have a shirt big enough for me so I have to buy my own shirt. I wish I could wear whatever shirt I want cause I really hate maroon. It's such a dull color. :P
I saw the first episode of Buffy tonight. It kicked ass watching something that's 6 years old now. I feel pretty old. I mean I started watching Buffy when i was in the 8th grade. Now I'm in 12th. It's pretty amazing. Later on tonight is the season premire of Angel. I can't wait to see it. I love Angelcakes.

Today was just odd. I was running all over the place third period for Ms. Stone and myself. It was very nerve racking. Duane was acting weird today. All his friends now I like him. And they tell me things like how he talks about me all the time and how he draws pictures of me. I don't really know what's going on. I'm so confused.

But I got a job today. I start Friday and Trisha is gonna show me the ropes. I'm so excited! My first real income in months!!!

I might get a job! The movie theater lost 7 people and Trisha and Rachel called me and I called the theater. I get to go there on monday and get an interview. Wish me luck!

GRRRRRRRR! My mother does not want me to get my eyebrow peirced. The stoopid bitch! One minute she does, next minute she doesn't! I'm getting really tired of her wishy-washy shit! Pa-leez! I'm gonna have to go and get it done myself.

Last night at the dance I got the best advice from Bonnie. She told me that maybe I shouldn't get too attached to people before I get to know them a little better. Good idea Bonnie. Thank you.

The dance was exelent! I had a pretty goof time except for one little detail. I didn't see Duane there! I only saw him once and I went all over the place looking for him! I was so upset. I really need to find a date to all these dances. Cause I'm tired of going alone. I mean yeah I dance with my friends there, but when there's a slow dance I usually sit by myself or pretend I'm dancing with someone. It really blows. :P
I should call an escourt service. That way I'll have a date every time and all I need is a little cash.

Welp... I'm off to the dance. Wish me luck!

I hope I can hang with Duane at the dance. Else I might just get my interviews over with and just head home. I might not be able to get my parents to take me home so I'm hoping on finding a ride. If no one's too drunk to take me. XD

After seeing our first rally of the year, I think I might want to be a cheerleader! XD

I asked my friend Christina where she got her brow peirced and I know that place. I asked my mom and she was all "We'll see Ryan." I hate when mothers say that! >.< She's the one who wanted me to get something peirced. And now she says no? WTF is up wit that!

Duane, the cute guy in my journalism class, was being so mean to me. But all his friends kept hitting him every time he was rude. It's good to know that his friends like me. Duane was so cute today. In his home jersey. He's on varsity football, btw. I hope I see him at the dance tonight.

After the incident yesterday, I've been a lot more ... well different. There was this sophmore guy with this whole cowboy gettup on. I've been thinking he was pretty attractive for a while so I thought now that he was wearing a costume (well I thought it was), that it was my chance to tell him. I told him that I thought he was hot. It was hilarious cause I wanted me and my best friend to say it. She said she would count to three. She counted and I yelled "Hey Cowboy! You know.... you're pretty hott!" I imediatly screamed at her for not saying anything back. I was so embarrased.

And what was the incident that happened yesterday, you ask? Well... it started like this. Yesterday at my LARP(Live Action Role Play) I decided that we all play Truth or Dare. So little old stupid me and my stupid ideas got everyone to play. So we were playing and everything was fine untill my same best friend decided to do the worst thing. I chose Truth and she made me tell everyone in LARP who I liked. Of course it took me like 20 minutes just to blurt out a little "...duane..." I almost died. No one there even knew who I liked let alone knew my sexuality. So then it was my turn. I made her say who she liked. But everyone knew so when it was her turn again, she made me do the nastiest thing in the world. She made me kiss this guy on the cheek. Now I don't really like this guy. He's kinda anoying. So he tells me to pretend that I'm kissing Duane. That wasn't helping. So I finaly kiss him and then I proced to just die right there on the school campus.

After that ordeal, I find myself unashamed of the actions I take. I don't know if this is a good thing. Am I getting better? I think I am. I actually care about how I look again. I love my family. I love my friends.

Life is GOOD.

I got my check today. $142 is not that much money but I think I know what I want to do with it. I want to get my eyebrow peirced. That and I want the cartiledge on my left ear peirced. In time, I want to get my tongue peirced. Joey, a guy in my math class, has his tongue peirced and it looks so cool.

The Senior BBQ is tomorrow. I have to fill out this questionere and turn it in to get food. I have to come up with a quote. It's pretty tough thinking of what to write. I have to finish this by tomorrow. I will probably stay up tonight just to finish this damn thing.
And what about this guy? I've waited for so long to have someone notice me. Is he finaly the one or is he just being a stoopid asshole. I've never even been kissed. I'm so pathetic. I'm almost 18 and I havent even been kissed yet. Why? Most guys my age are already having sex. I can't even get kissing down yet. I feel like a child.

Well my first day Volunteering at the Boys & Girls club was great. I got to watch a dodgeball game, start a pool tournament, start a connect four tournament, and play Jenga and Japanese Old Maid. I didn't even know there was a Japanese Old Maid. But Trisha would know better than I would since she's actually BEEN to Japan. I did have to mop the bathroom. But that was fun when you're moping with Trisha. It was nothing but laughs all day. I'm really gonna be able to rack in 12 hours of comunity service with this! They boy who won both tournaments I started was so cute. But he's like 12 and I'm 17 and yeah..... never in my life. Poor little guy doesn't know that he has the potential to be jail bait. ^^; If only he was 7 years older. :P
I don't think this guy in my Journalism class likes me. He's just screwing with me. But why can't I get him out of my head? Either I've found a new low of obsession or I really like this guy. That's odd. I feel even weirder the way he at least acts like he likes me. This is all very odd. I'm torn between thinking he likes me or thinking he doesn't like me. Well if he doesn't, he sure is a good actor. I really need to stop thinking about this.
This sucks! I have to go to the dance on friday all by myself! None of my friends are going. It sucks even more cause I have to go to every dance this year!! Including expensive ass Prom!!! I don't even have a date! Why bother going to Prom without a date?
Why aren't there any good Halloween costumes for big people? Maybe I'm not looking hard enough. There are some really good Halloween parties. Of course I've never gone to one. But I would love to go to all the parties at least. I wish I was more manlier.

World War Looms... My friend's ex-boyfriend got a letter from the Military saying that he is next to be sent into the Reserves. Pretty weird stuff. But there are no plans to go to war yet. So maybe they wont draft. My brother in the Navy says that there are no further comands so I think things will be okay. I don't want my boys to go to war!

Names I want for my children:
Tyler
Cameron
Aaliyah
Anastacia
Rachel
Monique
Bryce
Stella

Earlier I saw the most beautiful comercial. NBC had this really deep advertisement for their new season starting next week. I almost cried.

In other news, I need to go to San Fransico and see if I can find any new Buffy ads that are supposedly to pop up around soon. They spent all this money on advirtisement. I've never seen Buffy look so spectaclular! Even the new official site that UPN has made is 2,000 times better than the WB site. I'm so pleased. *nod*
A Buffy fanatic as myself couldn't be more happier.

ooooh...
Sarah and Kenny have new layouts! I'm so jealous! :P

Yes I have been up all night! I just finished up my part of our project in Civics. I still have to do my vocabulary homework for English. It's hard to remember to do them since I can choose three of my own words. And the book I have now is full of words I don't understand. So I think I'll do these tonight while I watch Malcom. If Malcom in the Middle comes on tonight. I hope it does. How long can Fox keep 24-hour coverage on these attacks?

Cool new Buffy site! Buffy's Domain of Delight kicks serious ass! I've been meaning to join the forums there. I just found it today.

Busy, busy, busy!
I've been so busy lately.
Today I'm working on my room. Not only do I have to clean it but I have to empty out my desk cause I have a new one. Both the desk and chair are new and smaller than my current desk and chair. I'm really lucky I could get such a nice desk and chair for free. Thanks to my mom's friend. She's really nice. I never realized how much shit I have in this desk! There's so much crap I don't know what to do with it all. Oh well. Most of it I'll throw away. I found my golden Susan B. Anthony dollar in my desk! My Grandma gave it to me when I was 11. But I lost it again! I just had it too! ;_;

I just realized that Blogger wont let me publish this! So I guess you guys wont be reading this for a while. Oh well. :P

I wont be able to sleep tonight.

I just can't belive this...
I have a feeling that these events are just the beginning. Someone out there is out to get us.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESSIKA!! Baby girl's 18 today! ^_~

I havent posted in a few days so just to keep y'all updated on my life, I'll post today.
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So far I still havent been able to get the IWE job for the computer center. I'm thinking of just being one for my English teacher. Ms. Stone is exelent and I think a few of my friends would be in that period anyway. I cant wait.
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Speaking of Ms. Stone. She has this trip to London this Winter Break. The cost for the trip is about $1,800. I would love to go but my parents can't get enough money. I'm so sad. I've dreamed of going to Europe for so long. ;_;
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I'm gonna be volunteering at the Boys & Girls club after school now. I can make easy comunity service hours so I can graduate. It's gonna be great cause I used to go there when I was younger. I still can't play pool but who's judging my pool skills anyway? :P
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I know nobody really cares but I STILL NEED A PROM DATE!!!! *dies*
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I have another one of my great ideas. I can't tell you now but I will soon.
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I want my driver's license. I'm tired of walking!
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I don't know when I'll post again. Maybe again at the end of the week just to sum things up. I'll at least try to make this a weekly thing. Hopefully.

Well the first week has ended. The chaos is pretty much over. The principal put a pause on the dress code enforcement. Which has made most of the students relax a little. I'm glad it's friday cause I really need to relax myself. I love my journalism class. I signed up on the beats to the dances. I hope Mr. Reichert gives it to me.
I'm watching Sabrina Goes to Rome. It's strange cause I always thought that Harvey was her boyfriend. But she's going out with some guy in the movie. I don't get it! *dies*
I'm gonna go read my book now.

Dammit! The computer center lady already has enough IWEs!! I had to work in the stupid library! I had to put the bar codes on all these books and then I had to write the codes ON the books. It was so boring. The school's population like doubled this year so they have to re-order all these text books! It's so stoopid! I can't even get lunch because the lines are too damn long! We only have 31 minutes to eat lunch. And there are no shifts! It's just one big free-for-all!
Well the principal went on the PA system today and told us all what we COULDN'T wear. Now everyone's pissed at her. I mean I didn't really see a problem with the dress code before. I mean the only real problem I saw were the girls wearing "Hooters" shirts.
*le sigh*
I don't know.... I've been getting an uneasy feeling all week. Something bad is gonna go down. I can feel it.

Ok so far I like my classes. Everything is where I want them to be except TWO things. One being that my thrid period is blank and I'm trying to find a teacher to be an IWE for. But all the teachers I know in that period don't have a class. I think I'll ask the computer center lady to see if I can ber her IWE for that period. I know her son. And then my second problem is my math class. The whole class is great. I have cute guys and a hot girl at my table group and most of my friends are in this class. Except that Rachael fucking Verhayden is sitting next to me!!!!!! Now we havent said anything to each other in 7 months and now I have to sit behind her? I hate the bitch! And most of my friends have her in classes too! Everyone wants to choke that nasty ho! I can't belive this. Out of all the math classes in the school, she had to bring her nasty ass into mine!
Other than that, my favorite teachers are back. Ms. Schoen and Ms. Werner! I also love our new principal. She's cracking down on the rules but I don't care. She may know her shit but I'm a senior and I'm graduating in 9 months so :P on her! But I still like her.
I love my journalism class. It's introduction to journalism so I wont actually work on the paper. Although I wish I could cause I love the paper. When I'm not using it the line the trash cans with, of course! ^^;

My dad's comming home today. Yippe! :(

School is starting in less than 38 hours. I don't want to go! Don't make me! Don't make me! I left my schedule at Round Table and Trisha picked it up. I better call her so I can get it tomorrow. Or even before school cause I forgot all my classes already. So now that school is starting in two days, I'm a little nervous. It's my last year. I don't know what to expect. Where will I go after High School? I don't know. I have to plan ahead but I'm afraid to. I never thought I would actually finish school. I thought I'd be a drop out working at Safeway or some place. But here I am. I made it to my last year. I don't think I want to go to college right away. I think I want to take a break and do somethings for me for a while. I only have nine months of school left. Oh boy. This is getting a little stressful. :\

*dies*
When you feel you lowest. Someone is always there to make you feel lower. *nod*

The concert was GREAT!!!
Everybody was awsome and Rosie got to give Ringo a boquet of roses. The roses were beautiful. The security guards tried to hold her back. And Ringo told them off! I was like "Down with the man!" XD Rosie, Jenny, and Ashley got to touch Sheila E. I tried to but I'm not very good at it. This was my first concert and it was a sucsess! Front row center! I was so pleased to be part of it. And in the band, was the HOTTEST guy! XD~~ He played all these differen't instruments but the best one was the saxaphone! We all went "SEXAMAPHONE!" He was yummy. He had leather pants on. After the concert, we went to Denny's. The waitor was too cool! He was great! He gave Rosie a free sundae and he wasn't supposed to. He even helped us sing Happy Birthday. He was cute to boot. But then after all the fun.... I had to leave. I didn't want to. I had so much fun.
I slept in today. I missed the season premire of Digimon and so I'm a little hurt behind that. But my mom left to go to some party or something. She didn't tell me. She left me and my brother Papa Murphy's pizza. :9 I only had two slices and a root beer and I'm stuffed.

School starts tuesday! AHHHHHHH!
I hope Rachel finishes her homework.

Chrysalis

9.30.2001

9.27.2001

9.26.2001

9.25.2001

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9.22.2001

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