Chrysalis

Well, saying goodbye is never easy for me. I get all stuck and don't know what to say. I always hesitate and just play off like we'll see eachother again. But it never turns out like that. Yes, that's right guys. After seven wonderful years of being the only thing in this world to keep me sane, Buffy is ending. It's gone. Never coming back. Sure, I'll have the reruns for the rest of my life. But who wants reruns all the time? I'm sure 15 years from now I'll be watching Buffy on Nick @ Nite or something. I just can't believe that this is happening to me. It all started earlier this week with an interview for Entertainment Weekly Sarah Michelle had. She said that she will not return to Buffy next year. And then the other day, UPN and Twentith Century Fox have decided not to continue the series. That and any talks for another spin off has been put on hold because Eliza Dushku has agreed to be in a pilot for FOX. And I'm already hearing that some of the characters are moving to Angel anyway.

I'll always remember how I got hooked on Buffy. It was the second week of it airing. The episode was The Witch. I was already a fan of the movie so I decided to watch. It was interesting. I was confused a lot the first time I saw it. But I continued to watch. Getting aquainted with the characters and all. Thinking about how cool Cordelia was. And how sweet Willow was. And how scary Angel was. By the end of the first season, I was hooked. Season 2 started along with my last year of junior high school. I even enjoyed that season more. It wasn't until the third season that I had fallen in love with the series and the star. Sarah Michelle Gellar was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I'd love having her in my bedroom every Tuesday night. To me, I thought she was the closest thing to a girlfriend I've ever had. LOL, come to think about it, I think that I even realized I was gay the same time Willow did. Which brings me to how much I loved growing up with them. And now I don't know what to do. I'm lost without my weekly life story. Sure you can all tell me to suck it up and watch Angel. But I don't want that. I want Buffy. ;_;

If it wasn't for Buffy, I'd be dead. And I'm serious. I would have killed myself without any hesitation if I didn't want to know what would happen at Xander and Anya's wedding. Or how would Buffy finally defeat Glory. I had to know these things. Without it, I don't know what to do.

My favorite show is leaving me. It's like my whole family left me all alone. I'm all alone.

Oh and I'm not crazy. Today, Jeanna noticed the erm... chemistry between me and Wesley. I thought I was trippin. But she saw it too. It's not just me! I repeat, IT'S NOT JUST ME! XD

posted by ryryguy @ 5:41 PM 0 comments

Premonitions. I don't understand why I get them. But they're cool none the less. Last night I had a dream about class today, and it actually happened. I seem to be getting better at them. I've been discussing it with a lot of people recently, and they tell me that the only way to unlock them is to meditate. I don't know. Would it make me all crazy being a telepath?

The reason I'm up late and talking a bunch of nonsense is because it's taking an extremely long time burning "Once More With Feeling" on to a VCD to watch in my room. But I have to work at 11 and I don't think I'll be able to watch it tonight. Besides, the season 6 collection will probably come out late next year anyway. I should just wait. But I already downloaded the movie. I did the same thing for the soundtrack. I downloaded the tracks and burned them to cd only to buy the actual album a month later. Boy, am I lame. I'll spend money on anything.

You know what's good? Cinnamon Toast Crunch. But daddy didn't buy any milk. So I have to eat them dry. He also bought Cocoa Puffs. But I REFUSE to eat those without milk. They turn your milky chocolatey, you know. ;-)

I dropped my English class today. There was no point in taking it if I wasn't learning anything. That and I wasn't doing anything. I think he's sick anyway. He's been gone all week. I hope he's okay. So, now I'm back to three classes. I'm fine with 10 units. I'll just take English next semester. No problem. I don't know if I want to take the advanced acting class. I love drama so much, but no one else in my class that I know of is taking the next one.

posted by ryryguy @ 2:10 AM 0 comments

I had the best time tonight. And I loved Chicago. And I love life right now. I just had the best dinner. I wish I could type more then just a few sentences. I truly believe today was a five star day. I'm so happy. Why can't I stop writing like this? Oh, and Jenny's friend Jimmy is cute. And he's very cute. And I want to see him again. And I feel like a Japanese school girl on E. And I think I'm going to bed. Good night.

Oh yeah, today on my way to the bus stop, my cd player decided not to work anymore. So if your'e driving along Shell Avenue, and see pieces of a golden yellow Sony walkman, that was me. Sorry, y'all. I don't have time for cd players breaking.

posted by ryryguy @ 11:25 PM 0 comments

So I happend to see someone at school on Thursday. Someone I don't particularly care for. So what do I do? I come here two days later with some song lyrics. This song describes this person ACURATELY. And I'm sure everyone will agree.

It is:

Fancy by Destiny's Child

I don't fancy you too much, child
I don't fancy you too much
I don't fancy you too much, child
I don't fancy you too much
You think you're cute, you think you're fine
You're always trying to steal my shine
Get off of me, don't mess with me
You know who you are

I've always been so nice to you, girl
Helping you girl, there for you girl
You always tried to compete with me, girl
Using me girl, abusing me girl
Flirtin' with every man you see
Especially if the man likes me
Baby where's your self esteem
Find your own identity
(Your head ain't right) No congratulating schemer
(Your head ain't right) You's a liar and a cheater
And I don't want you I don't want you I don't want you no more
Don't come knockin' at my door
I don't know what you came here for, if you didn't know then now you know

I don't fancy you too much, child
I don't fancy you too much
I don't fancy you too much, child
I don't fancy you too much
You think you're cute, you think you're fine
You're always trying to steal my shine
Get off of me, don't mess with me
You know who you are

Roll those eyes girl, twist them hips girl
Swing those hands all in the air
If you wonder why you never had a girlfriend, I think I made myself clear
Girl change your ways right now today
Stop hating me, baby find your own identity
(Your head ain't right) No congratulating schemer
(Your head ain't right) You's a liar and a cheater
And I don't want you I don't want you I don't want you no more
Don't come knockin' at my door
Don't know what you came here for, if you didn't know then now you know

I don't fancy you too much, child
I don't fancy you too much
I don't fancy you too much, child
I don't fancy you too much
You think you're cute, you think you're fine
You're always trying to steal my shine
Get off of me, don't mess with me
You know who you are

Girlfriend Lord knows that I've tried
No matter how much I give to you, you wanna use me for what I got
You take me kindness for weakness, you take advantage of people
One day you shall reap what you sew, girl get your head up out the clouds

Girlfriend, you think you're cute
Girlfriend, don't ya think you're fine
Girlfriend, you're always trying
Always trying to steal my shine
Girlfriend, you think you're cute [Repeat]

I don't fancy you too much, child
I don't fancy you too much
I don't fancy you too much, child
I don't fancy you too much
You think you're cute, you think you're fine
You're always trying to steal my shine
Get off of me, don't mess with me
You know who you are [Repeat 3 times]

I won't say no names

.....alicia vallas....

posted by ryryguy @ 11:29 PM 0 comments

Today was eventful. Me and Jenny did our performance in drama. We did pretty well. I mean, considering what the other students did in the class. I still get teary eyed thinking about Sean's skit the other day. *laughs*

I had forgotten what I was going to say. I guess I'll wait until I get home. Yeah, I'm still at school. I've been here since 9:30. ;_;

posted by ryryguy @ 4:22 PM 0 comments

Don't wanna know about that love thing.

Anyone remember that song from the Spice Girls? Back in 98 I was the Spice Boy.

Anyway. Jeanna and Nick broke up. I'm sad but happy at the same time. I mean, it was bound to happend sooner or later. I'm glad they've decided to stay friends. But they both have needs that neither one can give eachother. And not to make me sound jealous, but at least there's another person in my life who's single. It makes me feel better knowing I'm not the only one. *sigh* But Jeanna's not a virgin. Unlike me. Am I that undesireable? I'm really emotional right now. So I'm going to go stay up all night doing homework.

posted by ryryguy @ 10:45 PM 0 comments

We got another arcade at the theatre. Among the games were House Of The Dead. I love that game. Because I get to shoot evil zombies. I hate zombies. The only reason I liked Resident Evil was because of Eric Mabius. Too bad he's playing Nemesis in the sequel. I hope I get a shot of him naked before he mutates into a flesh eating monster. XD

Anyone know any good ideas as to how to get over someone that you've liked for the past eight months?

posted by ryryguy @ 12:36 AM 0 comments

You are orange. You are emotional. Outside, you are bitter and stubborn, inside you are hopeful, hoping someone will come save you from the bitterness of your own mind. You constantly feel the need to prove yourself, and you look up to those who can make thier dreams happen. You are broken, but not beyond repair like maroon.

What inner color are you?

Why does this simple test describe me so honestly? That's sad. :-/

Apparently, Jenny hasn't showed up for drama all week. I'm worried. I should call her. I should call her now. Where the hell did I put her phone number?

And here's the tip of the day: You should never play the PLANIT B remixes of "Simple And Clean" or it's Japanese counterpart, "Hikari" around me. I'l start dancing uncontrolably.

posted by ryryguy @ 10:30 PM 0 comments

You're a Magical Girl!


You're sugar-hyped, caffeine-hyped, and permanently genki-er than a whole busload of Disney characters on crack. You eat too much, you're a total klutz, and somehow this makes you an ideal candidate for saving the world. If you're really unlucky, you get to get naked in an embarrassing transformation sequence in every single episode, with only a few sparkles and pastel blobs to cover your dignity.

Which generic anime character are you?


Today was odd. We were really busy at work and I didn't really expect it. Also, there was this family who came to see Catch Me, If You Can. The son and I sorta made eye contact. It wasn't like looking into eachothers eyes just to say hi, it was more like him looking to see if I was gay and me doing the same thing. So then we both kinda got startled and he walked off. Needless to say, we had a fucking moment. So I waited and waited for the movie to get out, and then he didn't even say hi. I even upgraded their drink to a large so they could come back out for a free refill. Oh well, he wasn't cute. But with my dating record, he would have been adequate.

posted by ryryguy @ 11:09 PM 0 comments

Today was eventful. Well, first was drama class. Jenny decided that we should be partners. Bad idea. We could not stop laughing. It was sad. Oh, and then while we were walking to my next class, I caught eye of the Hell Bitches. So I told her to move over to where the bookstore was, only to be blocked by Lee and Kris and those other guys. Thank god Jenny didn't stare at me when they yelled, "R.Dub"
Damn, I hate that name. Anyway, then we ran into Emilie. HI EMILIE!

Then after English, I went and took a quiz in Astronomy. It was easy. I thought I was going to fail it. But the guy next to me had the worst fucking breath. It was so horrible. It got so bad, I was getting sick. So after Astro, I took my ass home. Yeah, I didn't go to math class. But I was sick. God, next time that fool tries to sit next to me, I'm going to either hand him a box of tic-tacs, or tell him to sit elsewhere. I'll probably do both.

posted by ryryguy @ 6:13 PM 0 comments

If it hasn't been appearent now, it was tonight. Charisma Carpenter really is pregnant. I was watching Angel tonight, and wondering to myself, "when the hell did Cordy get so fucking fat??" But then I looked closer and it wasn't fat, more like a bulge in her stomach. And they are making her wear larger clothes to cover it. Well, it's working. I really hope they just write it into the show, because it's not very suiting for her. Oh, and I still think she was the best when she was in Sunnydale. The money, the power, the popularity. God, I'd give everything to be like old Cordy. Except for going out with nerds like Xander and liking Wesley. Heh, I already like a Wesley.

Anyway, I haven't done my Astronomy homework. I better do it now. And, I haven't gone to my English class in a week. I bet he doesn't even care.

Oh, and I bought a new backpack. It's blue. Not green. I actually think pink is back in but I'm sure daddy would love it if I ran around with a pink backpack.

My brother has been chosen to be in some male beauty pagent at school. I don't know why they chose him, he's boring. So I decided to help him. Even though he said that his biggest inspration was Calvin and not me. Hell, he barely knows fucking Calvin. I've been his brother since the fucking beginning. That and I'm cuter. All Calvin does is run off to some country for years, come back and expect things to be the same. Whatever. I don't consider him my brother anyway. We may have had the same father, but not the same mother. That makes him half. That means he's not my brother. That and I don't like the fucker anyway. Well, back to my real brother. On his survey he had things like his ideal date would always put out and stupid jock shit like that. He really needs a reality check. Oh well, he'll get his when he ends up not graduating from high school, living with mom and drinking all the time. LOL, so far, I'll be the most successful one in the family. Lets see, Karen is a crackhead. Calvin is a loser. Randy thinks he's god's gift. I'm the perfect one! YAY! Daddy loves me the best anyway. He let me move back in with him. All my other siblings can quit hating so hard.

And here's some random things. I don't like those big eyed girls. You know who I'm talking about. Vanessa Carlton, Michelle Branch, and others. I can't tell them apart. They both have this big eyed thing that scares me. I can only tell them apart by what instrument they play. Well the one who plays the piano has this new single that I like. But that doesn't mean I like her. Also, the new Missy Elliot video should be given an award or something. Missy is my girl. I'm so tired. Gotta do homework. Night.

posted by ryryguy @ 2:30 AM 0 comments

Well, Ryan forgot to add that Buffy was an interesting episode. Yeah, how old is Kennedy? Sixteen? How old is Willow? Twenty-two, I believe. That's just nasty! Although it never seems nasty on these shows.

Mario: "I hear Willow's got a new girlfriend."
Me: "Eww! She's like half her age!"
Mario: "Well, I guess Willow likes 'em young!"
Me: "Just like someone else I know >.>"
Mario: "Nah, Cordy likes em both! Either too young or super old!"
Me: "....fucking sluts..."

God, I just love these workplace conversations! ^_^

Oh and I'm glad Giles is still alive. Or is he? And I'm sad for Amy. Not because she's dead. But because we didn't see her die. I'm assuming that she spiraled down like Willow and wasn't able to help herself. So she died. Which is kind of sad because she was just turned from a rat a year ago. What the hell is up with that? She's been a rat for three years and then she dies? I fucking hate the first evil!

posted by ryryguy @ 12:35 AM 0 comments

Oh shit! I just did the math in my head. That place would pay more in two days then what I make working three days at the theatre. Hmm, still not worth it.

posted by ryryguy @ 10:41 PM 0 comments

Well, I got a call back from one of the jobs I applied to at Hotjobs.com. It's not very good. I know they said a temp position, but two days? Anyway, they would pay $10 an hour, but just getting paid $160 isn't worth the long run of working at the theatre.

Anywho, here comes some quizzes.



which charmed woman are you?

Ryan Sez: I don't care what y'all say. I got the fucking hot one! :P



which musicgenre fits to you?

Ryan Sez: Well, duh! They should have put J-pop up here! XD

posted by ryryguy @ 10:27 PM 0 comments

Well, my resume at hotjobs has been found in nine searches. Two employers have viewed it already. But I haven't heard from the five employers I applied to. Knowing that I won't work for them anyway. It's good to know where my options are. Maybe I should just do what my friend Jenny is doing and become a personal assistant to some rich lawer so they might pay her way through law school. Although, I don't want to be lawer. Hell, Jenny is the same person who wants to sell her eggs for money to get breast implants. Which, I don't want either. *sigh*

So I went to target today and bought Cruel Intentions and Heathers on DVD for $9.44 each! Shit, I'm going back to see if they have Jawbreaker on sale. I love those kinds of movies. Heathers was wonderful. My brother thinks I'm sick, but I just love the way it was written. I'm sure, if someone were to make a movie like that around now, it would be completely stupid. But I think that it was a subject to poke and prod at in the eighties. Yes, and Christian Slater wasn't bad either. He can do no wrong.

I don't think I told anyone this yet, but the number one movie in america, staring fellow Buffy castmate Emma Caulfield, which will remain nameless is the scariest fucking movie I have seen in a long time. There goes three years of therapy of trying to overcome being afraid of the dark down the drain. Why would they make a movie about that? Don't take your kids to see that. And the end is even worse. It's like what the loud girl behind me said that really was the only time I didn't want to slap her and tell her to shut the fuck up, "ooh girl, I would have slapped her!"

I don't know what else to say, but I miss Liz. And I hope she just got my e-mail and I hope that she is reading this. I was at St. Mary's today and they played Al Green on the radio and I instantly thought of her. Well, it's going on three in the morning and I'm tired as hell. ^_^

posted by ryryguy @ 2:41 AM 0 comments