Chrysalis

Today I cried. Want to know why? I'll tell you why. I've been sick and tired of being under all this pressure. Of being amongst all this redicilous drama. All of this crazy shit that's made my life worth nothing.
So I decided since Evy's leaving, to try my best at getting over her. But it's been a tough process. I weeped a little at work. But I tried to contain it. As soon as I had myself under control, I was rocketed back to the past.

Rachael.

I was really excited to see her. At my job and all. What I wasn't so excited about was seeing her with her boyfriend. I waved at her and smiled. But she didn't even look at me. She just told me to get her a small iced tea and paid for it and walked off with her tall, dark, and ugly. I was so crushed. The one thing that I have missed the most was the way we were so close. Almost like siblings. Now she won't even bare to look at me. It hurts. It hurts bad. The managers at work noticed how upset I was afterwards. Good thing Tom came in with his Taveres cd. Me and Hillary were rocking to disco music. But I was still so upset. Over Evy, over Rachael, over Prom, over graduation. Just as I was trying real hard to count my blessings, then I realized I don't belong here in this theatre. Everyone loves me, or so they say. But if they really loved me, I'd be promoted already. Six months. Six months that I've wasted working there. I haven't even worked the box office yet. I just sit there and work at the consession stand while all the newbies get all the fun positions. There's an opening for Chief of Staff. I'd love to apply. But thanks to them, I'm not qualified. I don't know how to work anything else. I just don't understand why.
I couldn't opperate properly for the rest of the night. I kept droping things and spilling stuff.

Then as the clock rolled around 10pm, I realized I have a lot of homework to do. I clocked off and my mom came and got me. As I got into the car, I just laid my head on her shoulder and let it all out. I'm just not happy. I'm not happy at the person I've become. I've tried so hard at being accepted that I finally am. And now I don't know what to do with it. What's the point of having all this attention and have nothing to say? But I do have something to say and I hope everyone's reading it.

I'm tired. I'm tired of bullshit and I'm tired of everyone doing me wrong. I'm a human being just like everyone else. So maybe I am shallow. Or concieted. I deserve love too. Call me whatever. Spoiled, petty, whatever. But I will not be the victim anymore. Sorry to sound so clichéd, but it's the truth. And I'm not going to prom. I've decided that if people are gonna get into bullshit drama over a lame dance that I don't have a date for, why bother going? And I'm not gonna walk on graduation day. Yes, on the last day of school, I will walk to the Counseler's office and get my diploma and get the fuck out of there. I really don't want to see anybody else. All the friends I love the most haven't graduated yet or have already graduated. Fuck this class. And another thing, don't ask me for shit, or take my shit. I'm tired of it. My friends take me for granted and then they wonder why I don't hang out with them anymore. Let's see, MEGHAN TREATS ME A HELL OF A LOT BETTER. So now you know. Maybe we could work something out, if everyone would fucking respect me.

"My world is changing, I'm rearranging."

posted by ryryguy @ 11:05 PM