Chrysalis: 01/01/2003

So I've been going to HotJobs.com and I have applied to five jobs. Four of them are full time, which means that I'll have to start going to night school. Which is bad. I'll end up like my mother. Being fifty and still not have my Bachler's. Oh well. If I had my Bachler's, I'd move to Korea and teach English. They pay really good. They pay for housing and everything. I could meet BoA! XD

BoA, I want to meet you. I made my layout in your honor. *bows*

The other night, I had a dream. It was a lovely dream. But the thing is, this dream will never come true. In fact, no dream ever come true. But I wish that this dream would. I'd give up all my material possesions to have this dream come true. But I know I'm lying because I'd probably say the same thing about becoming rich and famous and living in luxary forever. But this had to be the best dream I've had in months. I won't tell you what happend in my dream. You can just ask me what happened. Maybe I'll tell you.

Drama class was canceled today. So I'm sitting here, waiting for my English class to start. It sucks sitting in this computer lab. I'm starting to get hungry.

I miss everyone. I haven't been at my dad's house for a while and I don't have my buddy list. But my dad left for Texas today so maybe I'll just stay there for a few weeks while he's gone. Maybe I'll invite friends over or something. Hey, I'll invite the pie gang to my house. ^_^

I miss my dog, too. I haven't seen Megan in a whole week. I wonder how she's doing. Poor doggy.

Well I'm going to find something to eat. I only have $3 so I'll have to find something cheap.

You are 2% geek

OK, so maybe you ain't a geek. You do, at least, show a bit of interest in the world around you. Either that, or you have enough of a sense of humor to pick some of the sillier answers on the test. Regardless, you're probably a pretty nifty, well-rounded person who gets along fine with people and can chat with just about anyone without fear of looking stupid or foolish or overly concerned with minutiae. God, I hate you.

Take the Polygeek Quiz at Thudfactor.com

Honey, don't hate. Congradulate.

I spent a shit load of money today on books. And I still need to buy one more book for drama. I need fucking books for drama? I need books for all my classes. DAMN!

Oh and Nikita goes to DVC now. We caught eachother today on my way to the bookstore and her on her way to sign language class. She's doing ok. She had a run in with the law over the summer. Mainly, she ran away from her group home and took some money with her. She said it was her money. But I doubt it since she was charged with grand theft. She's living with her mom and her mom is still using. Which really pisses me off. If I ever see her mom somewhere I will cuss her out. Yeah, I still know my sign language. But what I got to say, won't need but one finger.

Oh, and there was this cute guy on the bus ride home tonight. Yeah, I was staring at his boyfriend going, "I'm going to steal your boyfriend! Say I won't? Say I won't!" ROFLMAO!

I'm so lonely, I'll give anything to talk to someone. Anyone want to come over? I need a friend. ;_;

I just wish things wouldn't be so complicated. I wish I could run away from all of this. But I can't. And I'm going to have to chose. Since I can't do anything else. To make a long post short. I was kicked out of my house and then I was brought back in. My brother is perminatly out of my dad's house and if he tries to come back, he'll get arrested. I'm stuck between staying here or living with my mom. I don't want to leave my dad alone, but I don't want to stay with my mom either. I'll have to choose. I have no where else to go. I love my whole family. I just don't care for what they do. And it's hard. I hate being the only one in this family with a brain. I wish I could leave that way they'd all learn to get along with out the translator being around.
That and no one informed me I had to change my exepmt form for my taxes. Now I'll end up paying the government money this year instead of them owing me money. Hillary said it'll be a few hundred dollars. That's like almost a whole paycheck. That and I have no money. I need to buy books next week for school. And I need more money. I need to find a better job.

Well, another week left until the semester starts. I was really hoping I could take more classes then what I am taking now. Right now, I'm going for 13 units. Then I have 9 from last semester and 3 from my sign language class. So that makes 25 units. And I need at least 45 units to graduate. I think. Well, I'm taking a summer semester and then hopefully, my fall semester will be the last one. Then I can decide where I want to go from there. I might transfer to that school Ashley is going to in Virgina. But I don't know. Maybe I'll find out what I want once I get my AA.

Ok, did anyone watch the RW/RR battle of the sexes tonight? I'd like to know when Mellisa got pretty? And when did she hate Julie so much? Oh and regardless of what anyone says, I will always like Tonya. Oh and I'd love to *bleep* Eric from Road Rules campus crawl. Hell I'd like to *bleep all the Eric's. ^_^

Walked for two hours..... empty stomach..... think I have the flu..... never do what I did today.... *dies*

This diet thing is harder than I thought. Earlier I was eating ice cream and cake. I cheated on my diet. ;_; So I decided to go to sleep. It's one thing I enjoy more than eating. Sleeping is great. I think I'm going to go walking tomorrow as soon as I get up. If anyone would like to join me, give me a call or something. ^_^

What color mermaid are you?

this quiz was made by Jacqui! The one and only P!NK mermaid.

Well it's official. My mutant ability is that I can make perfectly straight guys act gay. It must be some sort of chemical I give out. Like there's a wave I give out that makes guys act different around me. I think I'm going to join the X-Men. Yeah. Erik says that my nickname would be Fagmaker. I can see it now. I've got a blue suit. Just like the other X-men. But with a big rainbow X on the front of me. I would wear a fur coat and a tiara. LMAO. Anyway. I hate my mutant ability. ;_;

Why do I let myself into these types of situations? I should just surpress all of my feelings. Also I'm going on a diet. A real one. My head is too big. My everything is too big.
Anyway, before I depress anyone other than myself. Here comes the "you know what".

Saturday Scruples
1. To nab criminals and spare the innocent, the government sets up a DNA registry. Everyone must submit a genetic finger print: a DNA sample. Do you do it?
Hell yes. It'll be like Minority Report! XD

2. In a mall, you see someone dressed "to the nines". She has a napkin stuck to the bottom of her shoe. Do you tell her?
Of course. If she looks that good, somone will have to tell her. Or step on the paper so it comes off for her.

3. At a car wash, you witness the manager firing one of the attendants for doing too good a job and taking too long. Do you speak up?
Nope. There's nothing much I could do about that. It's their rules, not mine.

What did Ryan order today from Amazon. com?
Season 3 of Buffy on DVD. It doesn't get released until next tuesday. I also got Disney Monopoly. I love Disney and I love Monopoly. Perfect combination! XD
I bought Tekken Tag Team and a second controller for PS2. I need something to play other than Kingdom Hearts and Final Fantasy X.

Oh and I got my permit today! I took Driver's Training today and then I went to DMV to get my permit. As soon as I'm confortable driving, I'll go and get my license. I can't wait to drive. ^_^

Ok, so there is like NO privacy at my job! None! I think everyone knows by now that I like Wesley. It's fucking rediculious. Saundra came up to me today and was like, "Ryan, is it true?" And I respond with, "Is what true?" "You have a crush on Wesley?" "OH MY FUCKING GOD! WHO THE FUCK TOLD YOU?!?!" "I'm not supposed to tell"

Well, I know who it is anyway. Jeanna, I'm kicking your skinny ass. So anyway, Saundra said that "this person" was in a conversation with her. I dunno if it was with some other people. But "TP" was just rambling on and on and then blurted out, "Ryan likes Wesley- oh, I mean Josh Harttnet!" Yeah the only person who could so skillfully cover that up would be Jeanna. Dammit. I wonder who else knows. Aint this a bitch? But anyway back to how much I love Wesley. Today I was working box again and none other but the only person whose ever killed me inside. Yup, you've guessed it, y'all. Rachael. And of course, me being just a shell of my normal self, I make a complete fool of myself. So Wesley comes downstairs from threading the movies and he comes in to check on me. He always does that. ^_^ He found poor little Ryan close to tears. And so he tried to cheer me up. I'm still sorta sad, I guess. Back then, I was so sure that I liked girls. That if I had Rachael, I would be able to surpress these feelings I had. But after she led me on for months and then just dumped me all together, I decided to resurface those feelings. Just to let her see what she let go. But I always wonder what would have happened if we were to have made it. Hell, I'd probably end up gay anyway.

Oh and my dear Eric. DO NOT tell me that you got hammered on two glasses of white wine. Because now I really wonder why I ever almost sorta liked you. ROFLMAO!

Oh and I love Angela. She's so adorable.

Oh and I take my drivers training tomorrow. Yeah, me. Eighteen and nine months. I'm finally getting my license. Wish me luck, y'all.

Yes this is a new layout. And yes this is Korean pop sensation BoA. It's a scan of the front cover of her second Korean cd titled "No. 1" Which I thought would go perfect. First day of the year. First month of the year. I'm going for silver. Isn't it pretty?

It has just occured to me that I really need to get something pierced. I really miss my eyebrow piercing. Maybe my ears. Or my tongue. Or I could just get my eyebrow done again. But everyone's gotten the eyebrow done. It's gotten old. Maybe I should get something that is rare.

Nope! I'm not getting my dick pierced!

That's exactly what I need. Another 365 days of pure hell! LOL! Anyway, happy new year! ^_^

Lot's of love to y'all.

Chrysalis

1.31.2003

1.21.2003

1.14.2003

1.11.2003

1.07.2003

1.05.2003

1.04.2003

1.02.2003

1.01.2003

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